Self-sustaining

Sep. 9th, 2008
by N. R. GANDHI

THE best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet. How eagerly parents look to them, to adorn their children, pamper them with gifts and make them feel that they are ‘needed’ in the family to make it work, to create a bridge of confidence between husband and wife. It is a link between two souls who share the same affection for the child.

The love of each makes the child difficult to judge, as to who loves him/ her more and this happens especially when the child is the first born. And what happens when one of the parents gets separated and leaves for the heavenly abode. When the child is still in his teens and resides in a hostel and is not at all prepared to accept ‘death’ for its meaning is altogether beyond the child’s comprehension and starts behaving in the most careless manner or in the manner as the child deems fit. Time is a great healer but the affection of the departed soul, hidden somewhere in the child’s mind, compels the child to act, as not expected of him/ her. This type of ‘Do not care’ - attitude’ is the reflection of his/ her mind’s working. It is a protest which the child would like to register; like it will be observed that books are scattered all over his/ her room. Suitcases opened on the floor. This creates a doubt in the mind of the surviving parent whether the child is at all ready to be on his/ her own, though the parent assures himself that at least he is ready for him to be his own. The child asks silly questions as to where his shoes could be? Something like that. The search is conducted and the pair of shoes is restored. The child is consoled that in this vast world he/ she is not alone and in that struggle the father/ mother is always there for support and guidance, for survival. The stories of his yesteryears are told and retold to him as to how he surmounted such and such obstacle with courage and his eyes are fired with eager anticipation, self-confidence and thought as luminous as the swirling colours that fill one’s mind that the child is surely going to walk in life by himself. And if he is going to become truly whole and independent, he needs to walk it on his own, without anybody tagging behind, but that parental advice always comes forthwith that he should not wear this and that or must skip break-fast or wait until the last minute to write his terms papers, so on and so forth. Now comes that puzzling time of wishing him good-bye when he is ready to go to boaring school. He is grabbed and gets a bag from the parent. Turning him loose is nearly the hardest thing, that one ever did in one’s life. The parent watches him as he walks away from a nearby spot. At the corner of the dormatory he looks back over his shoulder and waves. One swallows it hard, smiles and gives him a thumbs up sign. The night compels the pondering over the seasons of love in the parent’s life, knowing fully well that there is a time to tag along and a time to wave good bye; a time to hold on and a time to let go. It is the first lesson that ought to be learned and however early a man’s training begins, it is probably the last lesson that the child learns as to how to be ‘On one’s own’ in this vast world.

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